Two dog, is your typical miner
a friend, a sinner, saint
There some things he's good at
and then there's some he ain't
Swing shift begins in the afternoon
it ends promptly at eleven
There's three men on graveyard
and dayshift starts at seven
These were things to count on
in the winter cold
cabin fever it abound
every time it snowed
So to keep a level play
in the frozen parts.
a no sunshine society formed
it was hockey, suds, and darts
Once during a friday meeting
straight from the Bulldog mines own dry
we found a companion standing alone
we heard a mournful cry
We all at the bar to ask him
why the moan and wail?
He said "I have a pain within my head
it stabs me like a nail"
Bill opened his mouth downed three shots
a whisky, gin, vermouth.
He said I wish there was a dentist here
I have a rotten tooth
Well Bill, said Paul, it an awful haul
down to doc Goodrow
he would probably see you at night
if you brave the ice and snow
No said Bill, this glass I'll fill
I wont bother that old man
I just sit and nurse myself
and get by best I can
So all said ok and left him lay
suffering in his gin
until his partner Two Dog
turned to him in grin
Tom said, see in my hand these pliers
I'll set you in a booth
I'll clean off the grease
and I'll pull that rotten tooth
There alone in history, good sense
not correct
Bill pain wracked, whisky numb
headed for a wreck
And it started in the corner
a few to hold Bill sound
no doubt would been better
if they would have laid him on the ground
Some one heard Tom say
Bill now open wide
the very first tug drew some blood
there was no where now to hide
Bill screamed like the banshee
hit Two Dog in the jaw
Booger Monkey and Paul in tow
it was an old time free for all
The pushed across the floor
bowled over Johnie Magert
Get back Jaws , Mahone and Betts
Jenny said lets go Kurt
They crashed in to a pool game
starring Drunken Ira, Lowell and Big Mo
those pliers still in place
how Bill fought them so
Right in to that table
8 balls on the floor
The slid down the bar rail
and smashed a cuspidor
All good citizens became involved
they held Bills body arms and head
there were tourists at the door
they went somewhere else instead
With one quick twist from Snap-on
it was over with a pop
bartender get off the phone
don't call coroner wives or cop
With ivory now extracted
night shift crew retreating
Bill they left there on the floor
at the bar they called a meeting
Calls for drinks, lets examine the prize
the laughter of Hippy Pete
Fatman, Kevin lets see that thing
George, dear have a seat
In a tissue a molar placed
it passed from hand to hand
smiles from each cherub face
worth a hundred grand.
Comments in the mirror
say ,now that's a sight
Some battle scarred with the place tore up
Say Bill are you alright?
You know the final question
Was it from Bob Bernt,
Paul or Kurt?
said Bill this tooth is pearly white
is this the one that hurt?
Down a narrow canyon
a frozen river winds
through the open valley
just beyond the pines
Doc Goodrow was the finest
that's where mother sent us
Bill found out the hard way
Two Dog ain't no dentist
